Public Health student Jingyi (Lucy) shares a deeply personal reflection on studying abroad and comparing her path with peers back home, a feeling familiar to many international students and anyone who has struggled with comparison.
Hi all, I’m Jingyi, an international student studying public health and currently on placement with the BetterU Newsroom. I have been in Australia for a couple of years now.
Moving to a new country and starting uni here hasn’t always been easy. Sometimes it feels like everyone else is moving forward, while I’m somehow stuck or falling behind.
I’m still figuring things out as I go, just like many of us. This article comes from those feelings and a reminder that maybe we’re doing better than we think.
A question you might not say out loud
When was the last time you compared your life to someone else’s timeline?
What might change if you focused more on your own journey instead?
There are some moments when everything around feels very quiet, but inside, it feels unexpectedly heavy.
The “perfect life abroad” vs reality
When I first came here, I imagined a kind of “perfect” life. I thought I could balance study and part-time work without too much difficulty.
But the reality is different. Studying (especially in a language that I am still not fully confident with) already takes almost all of my time and energy. It becomes hard to manage anything else. And once I choose to work, it often means giving up the little time I have to rest.
When comparison quietly begins
I believe many international students have felt something similar.
After a long, exhausting day, you go back home, lie in bed, and open social media. You see friends back home starting jobs, getting promoted, entering new stages of life. It feels like everyone is moving forward in a steady and certain way.
And you are still here: studying, adapting to a new life, still unsure about what comes next.
In that moment, many thoughts suddenly fill your mind:
- Did I really understand today’s lecture?
- When is the next assignment due?
- Have I prepared enough for this week’s rent?
The time that should be for rest quietly turns into time for checking, worrying, and dealing with small but endless responsibilities.
And when everything is finally done, and you lie down again, one thought always appears:
“Am I falling behind?”
Time pressure and “falling behind”
Sometimes, age can also become a source of anxiety.
We often feel like there is a certain timeline we should follow — by a certain age, we should graduate, start working, and become stable.
But because of studying abroad, changing majors, language programs, or taking time off, it becomes easy to feel:
“I am slower than people my age.”
“Everyone else seems to be moving forward, and I am still figuring things out.”
More than just one feeling
For many international students, anxiety is not just one emotion — it is a combination of many things.
It can be:
- worrying that maybe this path is not worth it;
- feeling uncertain about the future — not sure if you can stay, and not sure where to go back;
- being surrounded by people, but still feeling a quiet sense of loneliness;
- missing home, but also feeling afraid of not fitting back into your old life.
And in many quiet moments, you might ask yourself:
“Am I really meant to be here?”
A different path, not a slower one
Instead of repeatedly asking whether you are falling behind, it might help to pause and ask: where does this feeling actually come from?
For many international students, studying abroad already means choosing a different life path.
We leave familiar environments, adapt to a new culture, and spend time growing, learning, and preparing ourselves before entering the workforce.
This path is not always straight, and it is often uncertain.
But just because it looks different from a “standard” timeline doesn’t mean it is behind.
In fact, you may have already come much further than you realise.
How social media makes it worse
One small but important reminder: social media often makes this feeling stronger.
People usually share their highlights — new jobs, achievements, moments worth celebrating. Rarely do they share confusion, exhaustion, anxiety, or self-doubt.
But we easily compare our real, unfinished life with someone else’s carefully presented “best moments.” And over time, this kind of comparison can quietly shape how we see ourselves — making us feel like we are not doing enough, even when we are already trying our best.
Slowly, this comparison turns into pressure.
Age, progress, and life pace all become invisible standards we use to measure ourselves.
What progress really looks like
Instead of asking again and again, “Am I falling behind?”, it may help to rethink what progress really means.
For international students, progress is rarely something big or dramatic. It can be very small:
- speaking a little more confidently in class;
- learning to manage life, rent, study, and emotions on your own;
- getting through a difficult period without giving up;
- continuing to live your life, even when you feel anxious.
These things may not look impressive from the outside, but they are real progress, and they matter more than we often give ourselves credit for.
Small things that might help
Here are a few small but practical things that might help:
1. Notice your own unique progress
At the end of each week, write down one small thing you have done. It could also be something your friends back home don’t experience — adapting to a new culture, becoming more independent, or navigating life on your own.
2. Reduce comparison triggers (especially social media)
Try to spend less time scrolling, especially when you already feel tired. Instead, find ways to rest that don’t involve screens — like going for a walk, listening to music, or just sitting quietly for a moment.
3. Talk to someone
You are not alone in this. You might find support through student clubs, international student services (ISS), Oasis, or even friends from your own country. And it’s okay to connect with people who share similar backgrounds — you are all going through something similar.
4. Share your experience
Sometimes, sharing your story can also help others feel less alone. You never know who might be feeling exactly the same way as you.
If you feel comfortable, you could try writing or sharing your experience — your story might help someone else understand their own feelings.
If you’re interested, you’re also welcome to submit your own article here:
A gentle reminder
We often feel like others are moving faster than us.
But what we see is only a small part of their lives.
What you are going through right now — the uncertainty, the struggle, the adaptation, the growth — is also a real and meaningful part of your life.
So maybe life is not about who is ahead or behind.
It is simply that we are walking on different paths.
Please remember: Never treat what others have as something you have lost.
And if it still feels heavy
If thinking about these questions makes you feel anxious, that’s okay.
Then just focus on the path in front of you and notice each small, honest step you are taking.