Nothing will stop me communicating these communication skills to you!
If you saw my previous post about the Supercommunicators Workshop in the city, you are probably thinking “Damn, I missed that. It must have been huge!!”
Unfortunately, however, it was a fizzer. No one showed up. No chance of Supercommunication, because well ….ummm……there was no-one to communicate with!
While that room was empty (and for a small period of time, my heart), the ideas I wanted to share in that workshop should not be held hostage. So, let’s give them space to roam in this post.
The basic idea is this: we have multiple conversations a day, and good ones are central to our wellbeing. The good news is that it is within your power to make the next conversation you have a better one.
In your next conversation today – whether it’s at the coffee shop, in a tutorial, or with a roommate – pick just one of these six skills to try out:
1. Prepare for the Conversation 📝
Before you even step into a conversation you know is coming up, create a game plan in your head. Take a moment to think of two topics you might discuss, one thing you actually want to tell the other person, and one specific question you want to ask them. It sounds simple, but having some pre-determined discussion points/questions can help kill any mid-chat lulls and keep things flowing.
2. Transform a “Yes/No” Question ❓
It’s so easy to fall into asking ‘closed’ questions like “Did you have a good weekend?” or “Do you like your degree?”. The problem is that these questions basically invite a one-word answer that ends the chat. Instead, try transforming them into open-ended questions that give the other person room to share their experiences. Ask things like “How did you spend your weekend?” or “How did you get interested in your degree?” and observe if it leads them to share more with you. Don’t fret if you catch yourself asking a closed question. Simply follow it up with an open one.
3. Go One Level Deeper 🌊
Most of our daily talk is surface-level facts, but researchers have found that the most successful connections happen when we ask about deeper things like needs, goals, beliefs, and emotions. Of course, not every conversation requires deepening, but for those that involve actual or potential friends, instead of just asking “Where do you live?”, try asking “What do you like about living there?”. Moving from the “what” to the “how” or “why” gives people a chance to talk about what actually matters to them, which builds a much stronger bond than just swapping data points.
4. Match the Energy 🎭
Supercommunicators are great at reading the emotion(s) of a person and matching them. But reading specific emotions (especially across cultures can be difficult).
Instead, use this simpler method of reading their mood (positive or negative) and energy (high or low).
Is the person you’re talking to high-energy and upbeat, or maybe low-energy and frustrated?
Look to gently match their energy and mood, so they feel better seen and understood.
5. Prove You Are Listening (The “Loop”) 👂
Active listening is a term I hear a lot more these days. But what actually is it? It is type of listening that makes someone feel seen and valued, by clearly demonstrating that you are absorbing what they are saying. The most effective way to do this is a move called “looping”: ask a question, repeat or summarize what you just heard them say in your own words, and then check if you got it right by either asking outright (“Did I get that right?”) or noting their agreement or disagreement with your summary. It’s a simple technique, but it’s incredibly powerful for a) orienting you towards being a more attentive listener and b) building trust and ensuring the other person feels heard.
6. Find the Overlap 🤝
In a world where it’s easy to focus on our differences, Supercommunicators look for common ground. We all have complex “identity maps” – roles that we play in our lives (student, sibling, musician, lover of fine chocolate, environmentalist). When you find those shared roles or values, take a moment to double click on it and learn more about how that identity plays out in their life. A great technique for balancing conversations that might otherwise get difficult because of differing views in other areas.
The Connection Experiment
Think of your next interaction as an experiment.
Look, I won’t lie. Conversations are unpredictable, and even with perfect skills, things can still feel awkward or go sideways.
But if you can go into that conversation, with an intent to connect, and the desire to make the other person feel heard, that effort typically registers.
And hey, if it goes super awkward, you can always blame me (“some weird guy at the university told me to try this”) and direct them to this post.
But I suspect that most of the time, if you remember to occasionally practice and explore these skills in different situations, you’ll keep getting better at creating meaningful conversations and relationships.
