Banishing negative emotions from our lives would actually not be a great thing. But learning how to strategically nudge our emotions in certain directions, that is a different matter. In this post, learn some tools from Emotion Wrangler Ethan Kross.
Ethan Kross has been showing up a bit in my podcast and newsletter feeds.
He is “one of the world’s leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. An award-winning professor and bestselling author in the University of Michigan’s top ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business, he studies how the conversations people have with themselves impact their health, performance, decisions and relationships.” (are these people writing their own descriptions?).
He has a new book out called Shift: How to Manage Your Emotions so They Don’t Manage You.
I haven’t read the book, but I did listen to his interview with Dan Harris (one of my preferred interviewers in the mental health, contemplative area).
There were a number of things he said that I liked. But probably my favourite was that he was quite precise about the range of tools we have at our disposal to shift our emotions.
I probably needed a few of those this morning, having woken up in a massive grump, swearing at anything that even had the audacity to appear in my field of vision.
I’m OK now, that I have been distracted long enough (redirecting attention is one of the strategies) and my guess is most of us have days or parts of days like that – where we are hijacked by certain big emotions – typically the unpleasant ones.
Kross is quick to remind everyone that negative emotions are important sources of information, but there might be times where we can’t necessarily access or action the lessons those emotions are trying to teach us. In such cases, knowing how to shift them becomes important.
I got my friend AI to provide a summary of the interview above, including explicitly summarising the 6 categories of practices that can help us shift our emotions. You’ll find it below with the liberal use of bold.
See if there is something in there to add to your emotion management toolkit.
And if you need more detail to action it, consider purchasing his book.
Oh, and if you’d like us (wellbeing services collectively) to develop and deliver a workshop that teaches these skills in more detail, let me know in the comments below.
🔍 Key Insights on Emotion Regulation
- 🤯 Emotions are Real and Powerful – Whether we like it or not, emotions influence our thoughts, actions, and well-being. Learning to regulate them effectively can transform our lives.
- ⚖️ Negative Emotions Serve a Purpose – Emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety are not inherently bad. In the right proportions, they help us adapt, problem-solve, and grow.
- 🎭 The Myth of ‘Good Vibes Only’ – The belief that we should always feel positive is both unrealistic and counterproductive. Negative emotions, when managed well, can be incredibly useful.
- 🧠 Emotions Impact Decision-Making – When emotions overwhelm us, our ability to think rationally diminishes. The brain’s stress response can consume attention, making logical reasoning difficult.
- 📅 Mental Time Travel Can Help – Shifting perspective by imagining how we’ll feel about a situation in the future (or comparing it to past challenges) can make emotions more manageable.
- 🛠️ Emotion Regulation is a Skill – We can’t control which emotions arise, but we can shape how long they last, their intensity, and their impact on our decisions.
- 🏡 Environment and Relationships Matter – The spaces we inhabit and the people around us significantly affect our emotional state. Choosing supportive environments and connections is key.
- 🌍 Culture Shapes Our Emotional Experience – Different cultures have different norms around emotional expression. Understanding these influences can help us navigate emotions more effectively.
💡 Helpful Practices for Regulating Emotions
1. Sensory-Based Shifting (Engaging the Senses to Regulate Emotions)
- 🎵 Use Music Intentionally – Listening to specific music can quickly alter emotional states. Create playlists for different moods to use as needed.
- 👃 Leverage Smell and Touch – Pleasant scents and comforting touch (hugs, soft textures) can provide immediate emotional relief.
- 🏞️ Change Your Visual Environment – Looking at nature, art, or soothing colors can help reduce stress and improve mood.
2. Perspective-Based Shifting (Reframing Situations for Emotional Relief)
- ⏳ Mental Time Travel – When feeling overwhelmed, ask: How will I feel about this in a week, a year, or five years? This helps create emotional distance.
- 📜 Reflect on Past Challenges – Thinking about past hardships we’ve overcome builds resilience and reminds us that emotions are temporary.
- 🌎 Think in a Different Language – If you speak a second language, try reframing your situation in it. Studies show this can reduce emotional intensity.
3. Attention-Based Shifting (Where You Focus Your Mind Matters)
- 🎯 Redirect Your Attention – If an emotion is too intense, temporarily focus on something else (e.g., a conversation, a physical activity, or a different problem).
- 🕰️ Allow Time to Pass – Sometimes, simply waiting can reduce the emotional intensity. Avoid making impulsive decisions when highly emotional.
4. Environment-Based Shifting (Using Your Surroundings to Support Regulation)
- 🏡 Design Emotionally Supportive Spaces – Surround yourself with images, objects, or scents that bring comfort and security.
- 🚶 Move to a New Location – If you’re stuck in an emotional loop, changing your physical environment (e.g., taking a walk, visiting a favorite place) can shift your mindset.
5. Relationship-Based Shifting (Leveraging Social Support for Emotional Balance)
- 👥 Choose Your Emotional Advisors Wisely – Talk to people who not only listen but also help you shift perspectives and find solutions.
- 😌 Avoid Over-Venting – Constantly rehashing negative emotions without seeking solutions can intensify distress instead of reducing it.
- 🎉 Spend Time with Positive Influences – Being around uplifting, humorous, or energizing people can naturally shift your emotional state.
6. Culture-Based Shifting (Recognizing How Society Shapes Emotion Regulation)
- 🌏 Examine Cultural Influences on Emotions – Consider how societal norms shape your emotional habits and whether they serve you well.
- 💬 Create Healthier Emotional Norms in Your Groups – Whether at work, home, or with friends, encourage open and supportive emotional habits.
- 🚪 Know When to Leave Toxic Cultures – If a cultural or workplace environment negatively impacts your emotions and cannot be changed, consider distancing yourself.
🤔 Personal Self-Reflection Questions
- What is my usual reaction to negative emotions, and how could I shift it?
- When have I used mental time travel to regulate my emotions? How did it help?
- Are there specific songs, smells, or images that immediately calm me? How can I use them more?
- Do I surround myself with people who help regulate my emotions, or do they amplify negativity?
- What cultural or familial beliefs do I hold about emotions? Are they serving me well?
- What physical environments (e.g., nature, home, specific places) make me feel emotionally balanced?
- How can I better use my senses (sight, sound, touch) to influence my emotions positively?
- What is one practice from this list that I can start implementing today?