---

Ok people, this is a long post, but the goal is to give a reasonably comprehensive framework for receiving feedback. My first time covering this topic but definitely not my last. Naturally, all feedback welcome.

---

 

If there is one thing you get a lot of as a student, its feedback.

Whether that is feedback on an essay or assignment. Feedback from a supervisor on placement. Feedback from a supervisor on a thesis chapter. Or even feedback from a peer during a tutorial or skill training session.

Feedback, despite having a central place in learning, remains a pain point for both staff and students.

Well, not feedback as a whole. Most people don’t mind getting positive feedback [“Good work Gareth” – “Thank you Gareth”]

But the feedback that points out our mistakes, or highlights areas for improvement. That one can sting a bit.

Now I’d love to say that I am a wise and evolved soul, when it comes to feedback, but I think I’m just as awkward with it as the next person. I tend to dismiss any positive feedback and then ruminate negatively on constructive feedback, without transforming either into improved practice.

Perhaps that explains why it is a topic I’ve not written much about on the blog (I’ll check with my analyst).

 

So why am I writing about it now?

In my job, it is common for me to speak to health professional students (medicine, dietetics, physiotherapy) that are going out on placements and likely to be getting a lot of feedback. It is the elephant in the room that is hard to ignore 🐘

Feedback on clinical placements is ultra important. It is that feedback that seeks to transform a student into an independent practising health professional. It is also the feedback that is intended to protect patients and clients by correcting any mistakes students make that might harm patients/clients. In short, it is hugely important. And as such it is also challenging to receive, if it reveals skill or practice gaps or that the student actually isn’t ready yet.

So, can you receive feedback better? Can you protect your ego, whilst accelerating your growth? I’d say yes, and in this post (and maybe future ones – I’m sure this is a topic I will be revisiting a bit) I’ll look at how.

For this post, I am conceptualising the ability to receive feedback effectively as a type of self-care.

Self-care is what you do, on your own behalf to improve and maintain life health and wellbeing. Self-care can be focused on the past (e.g. therapy to help heal damage from past events), on the present (e.g. catching up with a close friend to unwind after a hard week at work), or on the future (e.g. eating your veggies to reduce risk of future illness).

Improving one’s ability to receive and action feedback is, in my mind, a type of future self-care. It is unlocking a key driver of self-improvement in which a future version of you will be more skilful and effective.

In the moment, it might actually feel kinda blergh (a technical term) to get feedback, but if you can digest it appropriately and use (the relevant parts) to improve, future you can be a more capable human being that present you.

 

So you can make me better at receiving feedback with just a blog post, how?

Good question!

I’m going to focus on trying to improve your feedback literacy – namely your ability to describe the phases and skills of receiving feedback.

There are limits to this approach of course. For example, imagine you know nothing about the game of tennis. I could improve your “tennis literacy” by teaching you everything I know about the game, how it is played, the rules, some of the history, key people etc. You’d know a lot more about tennis afterwards, but it still isn’t the same as stepping on the court and having a go yourself.

So for the following content to have real value, you’ll need to utilise it in a feedback context. Maybe apply it to getting an assignment back. Maybe take it into a placement day. Or maybe take it into a conversation with a trusted friend who you are going to ask to deliver you some hard truths.

I will give you a (hopefully) better way to parse the feedback experience. Your job will be to try it out in a feedback opportunity and refine as needed.

There are at least 3 tangible “phases” in the feedback experience. They basically correspond to what we do before, during and after feedback.

The first is the helpful mindset shifts that we can make before entering into a situation in which we’ll receive feedback. The second is how we respond to feedback in the moment. The third is what we do with the feedback after receiving it.

Let’s take a look at each.

 

Phase 1️⃣

In many cases, you will know ahead of time that you are about to receive feedback: the marking of an essay, a meeting with your supervisor, awaiting comments on a submitted draft, in the debrief after an observed clinical session.

It is common to go into those situations with some trepidation, concerned at what we’ll hear, what will be said about our performance. We take a passive, sometimes defensive stance.

I have distinct memories of going into the office of my PhD supervisor, worried about the feedback I’d get on work I’d done (that to be honest I knew I could do better – Sorry Tracey!).

Here’s the thing, that worry thrives on the unknown. When we focus on the “don’t know what the feedback will be” part, rather than the “I am about to get some feedback – here’s how I will process it” part, we passively wait to be judged and stress builds up.

Practicing self-care at this point in the process means shifting from being a passive receiver to an active seeker.

This means focusing instead on the fact that we know (pretty much for sure) we’ll get feedback, rather than what the details of that feedback are. We know that in the absence of being perfect (which we aren’t) there will always be room for improvement. So why not go into that situation with the stance of welcoming any feedback that can help you improve, which includes feedback that might make us uncomfortable?

Would there have been a difference if I had walked into my supervisor’s office, knowing that I wasn’t performing as well as I needed and looking forward to hearing some suggestions on how I could address that? I think so. I’m not saying it would make the experience enjoyable, but I would have been more open to the feedback and less likely to respond out of protecting my ego, and more likely to welcome the insights of someone who was more capable than me AND did want a good outcome for me (it is easy to forget that in most situations, the person providing feedback is trying to help you).

You can even go a step further here. If the situation permits, you can seek out additional feedback. Don’t wait for the naturally occurring passive opportunities for feedback. Do work and then seek out specific feedback on how to make it better. This puts you more in control of the interaction and signals to the person who is giving the feedback that you are open to it. They may actually put more effort into articulating their feedback, knowing you are receptive. [note: there are limits to this. You can’t keep hassling the one person for feedback all the time. You might need to negotiate what is a reasonable number of feedback requests].

There are a few things you may need to consistently remind yourself of when you are making this mindset shift:

• If someone gives you feedback, even if it is hard to hear or delivered inelegantly, consider it as a sign of inclusion – they believe you are capable of improving and are taking the time to help you improve. I know this experience first-hand as someone who has been a marker, a supervisor and a peer mentor. You give feedback because you believe realistic and significant improvement is within reach of the person.
• When we get feedback indicating a skill or knowledge deficit, it is easy to start thinking you are an imposter (imposter syndrome very common in academia). But the feedback is actually an invitation. “If you correct this area, you can come play with us”
• Individuals differ in how receptive they are to feedback. Someone who is very receptive to feedback won’t need to do as much mental preparatory work as someone who isn’t. I’m not very receptive, so I need to consistently remind myself of this mindset shift when going into feedback situations.
• Whether explicitly or not, you came here to university to learn. This is the process in action. It’s the price we all pay if we want to be better versions of ourselves.

 

Phase 2️⃣

Alrighty, you are in your supervisor’s office. Or, you have the marked document in hand. Or, a peer is looking you intently in the eyes.

It is happening. Feedback is incoming 😱

The real challenge here seems to be keeping our brain online and in a receptive, rather than defensive mode. This is a biological and psychological challenge.

Receiving critical feedback can put our nervous systems into threat mode.

I’ve been using this diagram from compassion focused therapy (CFT) recently which I think helps. It speaks to 3 systems or modes that our nervous system can be in.

 

 

 

Ideally, our academic work (including receiving feedback) is done more in Drive mode. This is a “get-shit-done” mode where we are motivated and driven and likely enjoying the process.

But if we’re honest, some of our academic work gets done in Threat mode. Consider that assignment that you forgot about and is due tomorrow. There is probably a fair bit of threat mode in the final product.

I suspect feedback, particularly if it is critical or high stakes, can activate a kind of Threat mode. Perhaps not the same degree as being chased by an escaped lion 🦁, but enough to feel uncomfortable and drive us towards safety behaviours (escaping the feedback, ignoring it, dismissing it). This means if we are noticing the signs of defensiveness (e.g. racing heart, flushed face), there might be value in taking some of the edge off it.

The shift into and out of Threat mode is somewhat in our control. We might not be able to completely dampen the uncomfortable response to getting critical feedback, but we can attenuate it.

We might:

🧠 slow our breathing (tells our nervous system we can relax)

🧠 take pauses to process the specifics of the feedback we are getting (perhaps by writing it down or asking questions) – “Thank you for telling me. I need a moment to process that”

🧠 resist the urge to supress how we are feeling and instead name how we are feeling in our heads and give ourselves permission to feel that way, noting that we aren’t in any danger (“I am feeling defensive right now”. “This isn’t an attack on my person; it is data about my task”).

🧠 remind ourselves of the mindset want to take (‘I am an active receiver of feedback and that can feel uncomfortable at times’)

🧠 use positive affirmations of coping (‘you got this, this is useful stuff you can use’)

🧠 practice self-compassion using a “self-compassion break” [Acknowledge: “This is a moment of stress.” Normalize: “I am not the first student to struggle with this. It is part of the shared human experience of learning” Kindness: “I will be patient with myself as I improve”]

🧠 take time after receiving feedback to ground ourselves, using things we know settle us (nature, outside, cat videos, the presence of a good friend).

 

I’m not saying you’ll need all (or any) of these. But these can be useful in high intensity feedback situations: such as getting critical feedback, when feedback is delivered poorly or if you are generally quite sensitive to feedback (as I assure you, many people are).

 

but wait, there is more to Phase 2…..

Whilst the management of any difficult feelings/ emotions arising from a sense of threat is important in itself, it is also so you can the second important part of this phase – decoding the feedback in a way that will be useful to you afterwards.

You see, one of the challenges of being in Threat mode is that escape and self-protection become the priority, not a sophisticated intellectual analysis of the feedback given. That is a fancy way of saying if you are too worked up, you won’t hear or process the feedback well. Taking the edge of the emotional experience means you are in a better place to understand what is being recommended to you.

So assuming you’ve achieved some degree of emotional calming, two practices are helpful here for improving one’s processing of the feedback. They are focused on situations where you are receiving the feedback, live from another person.

 

Looping for understanding

A useful term that I took from Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg is “looping for understanding”.

In a person-to-person feedback context, this means not assuming you’ve understood it straight away.

Instead, take a moment to reflect it back in your own words and check it:

“So you’re saying my structure is clear, but I need to be more critical in my analysis – is that right?”

This does two things. It helps you clarify what’s actually being said, and it keeps your brain in “processing mode” rather than slipping into defensiveness. It also often leads the other person to expand or sharpen their feedback, which makes it even more useful.

You keep looping until you are confident you have the necessary understanding to do something with the feedback (Phase 3).

Looping for understanding – Vague feedback (e.g., “Be more confident”) is stressful because it forces us to guess.

Reduce your mental load by asking clarifying questions. If they say: “Show more initiative.” You ask: “Are there specific routine tasks you want me to do without checking with you first?”. If they say: “Good job.” You ask: “Was there one specific thing I did effectively that I should repeat?”.

 

Writing it down

The second strategy is simple, but easy to overlook: write the feedback down.

In the moment, we tend to remember how feedback felt more than what was actually said. Writing it down helps you capture the specifics before they fade or get distorted.

It also gives you something concrete to return to later, making it much easier to translate feedback into action – rather than just having a vague sense that you need to “do better” next time.

working memory is insufficient to process a significant amount of feedback, let alone when received in a state of high alert. If you want another example of this. When I was in my 30’s I had some health issues. It meant for a while there I was seeing a few different doctors. I didn’t take notes during those sessions and as a result forgot a lot of what was told to me. Why? Because I was worked up and worried about my health. That impaired my ability to remember what I was being told. If I could go back in time, I’d tell that Gareth to take more notes. I think it would have helped him resolve issues much faster.

If the feedback is in writing, that removes some of the responsibility from you. The focus will be more on actually taking the time to process it. I’ve heard a number of people talk about how when they get written feedback, they take 12-24 hours after reading it to just let it settle in their head. Especially if it is critical or requires significant change (that is the emotional regulation part). Then they return to the feedback once they have calmed down and start digesting it, so they can move to Phase 3. You may still choose to make some notes alongside the written feedback.

 

Phase 3️⃣

If Phases 1 and 2 have gone well, you’ve received the feedback, kept your mood mostly intact, clarified what it means, and recorded the useful bits.

Now it’s time to complete the feedback cycle.

Phase 3 is about taking feedback and translating it into something you can try, repeat, adapt, or carry into the next relevant situation. It turns feedback from something that happened to you into something you can use.

 

Turn the feedback into a plan.

A plan is like a message to your future self on how to action the feedback. It might take the form of a:

A SMART goal:

“Before my next tutorial, I will write down my three key points.”

An if–then plan:

“If I notice myself rambling, then I will pause and check my notes.”

A next time I will… statement:

“Next time I teach, I will include one discussion question.”

Or a personal rule:

“I’ll leave one day between finishing a draft and proofreading it, so I can come back to it with a clearer head.”

 

There is no perfect format. The key is that you translate the feedback into an action that is specific enough for future you to know what to do with it.

For example, if you attend a tutorial without having done the readings and your tutor says you need to be better prepared, translating that into “be more organised” probably isn’t specific enough.

Something like this is better:

“Before my next tutorial, I will write down three questions about the reading.”

That gives future you a clear instruction.

It also helps move feedback out of that awkward space where it feels like a comment on who you are as a person, rather than something about your behaviour.

 

Put the plan where future you will find it

Translating the feedback into a plan is half of the job. The other half is putting that plan somewhere your future self will actually encounter it and hence be more likely to do it.

A good method is to look ahead to the next instance where the feedback might apply and place a reminder there.

For example:

• If the feedback on an essay is “your argument needs clearer structure”, find the next essay you have due and add a note to the starter document: “State the main argument early. Check that each paragraph helps build it.”
• If the feedback on a presentation is “you need to make it more interactive”, open the PowerPoint for your next presentation and add a slide note: “Pause here and ask the group one question.”
• If the feedback from a clinical encounter is “you need to check the client’s understanding more often”, add a cue to any checklist, assessment proforma, or session notes template you use: “Pause, summarise, and ask: ‘How does that sound to you?’”

The point is not just to store the feedback. It is to place it inside a future situation where it can guide your behaviour. If the plan stays only in your head, it is often forgotten or just bounces around in there as worry, self-criticism, or shame. But if it shows up at the right moment, it has a better chance of becoming some kind of growth and improvement.

 

Create better feedback loops

This approach is particularly important in academia because you can’t always act on feedback in the original context.

In an ideal world, feedback is a real-time loop. You try something, receive feedback, make an adjustment, try again, and see whether things improve. I remember doing tennis lessons as a kid and hitting a lot of balls and getting feedback in real-time on how to improve. Skills-based feedback often works this way because you can get the feedback at the time of doing the skill and then correct yourself.

But a lot of academic life doesn’t work that neatly. You might submit an essay in June, receive feedback in July, and not have to write your next essay until September. If you don’t log the feedback in July and make it visible to your September self, you’ll likely miss out on the potential writing improvements.

I have definitely failed to do this.

When I was doing my undergraduate degree, I was living at home, and my mum used to read a lot of my essays (a wonderful example of a privilege sentence). Having previously been an English teacher, she was able to offer useful insights into how I could improve my writing. I would action her feedback for the essays she looked at, but I didn’t keep a record of the key themes. It meant I repeated many of the same mistakes (and still do), one of which is that she said I put too much information in brackets (which I do). The smarter move would have been to create a document titled “How to Write Good” and add her feedback and any other I received along the way. Then, whenever setting off on another writing project I could reference that guide and adjust my writing accordingly.

In fact, now that I write this, I’m tempted to suggest that you create a feedback folder or document in which you record key feedback you receive on academic tasks. I think I should probably set up one myself. Think about all the feedback we’ve collectively received on our work over the years. Did any of us keep a record of the themes? Perhaps I should start a feedback club? Granted it won’t be the most exciting club, but it will be good for our professional development.

That interesting mental tangent aside, Phase 3 is about translation.

You receive the feedback.
You make sense of it.
You extract the useful part.
You turn it into something specific.
You put it somewhere you’ll see it again.
Then you try it.

That is how feedback becomes learning, rather than just another thing to feel bad about.

 

Final reflections 

Many things in university and professional life are out of our control: deadlines, grades, difficult placements, assessment requirements, and the opinions of supervisors. Those things can affect our wellbeing.

But self-care is not only about soothing ourselves after difficult experiences. It is also about taking responsibility for the parts of the situation we can influence.

How we receive and action feedback is one of those parts.

Doing this requires an important mental shift: moving from a safety stance to a learning stance.

I don’t think I was particularly good at this as a student, and I still struggle with it now. I can be an arrogant and stubborn sod. I can convince myself that I know what is right, that I’ve done the task properly, that I don’t need to change anything.

There is a protective function to that. Letting feedback in means allowing the possibility that I have something to learn. That can feel vulnerable and lead to procrastination.

If we want to improve, we need some way of letting useful feedback reach us without it crushing us. We need to be able to hear it, steady ourselves, understand it, and turn it into action.

That is why I think feedback literacy is a form of future self-care and why I’ve devoted almost 4000 words to it here.

It is not just about improving one essay, one placement task, or one presentation. It is about building the capacity to keep learning across your degree, your career, and your life beyond university.

And being a student means you will have plenty of practice opportunities.

I don’t think this will be the last time I broach this topic. I’ve written this mostly from personal and observed experience, rather than diving deeply into the literature.

In future posts, I’ll head into that literature and see how this framework holds up.

In the meantime, feedback about this post is very much welcome. And if you are after more content on feedback, visit Feedback Empower Tools